Why Michigan is just Wrong

It’s not about hate

As most of you should know by now, Michigan football is just wrong. However, on this great rivalry day, I am not going to waste too much time on Michigan football. Furthermore, to be absolutely clear, this post is not about hate. People that root for Michigan football are not bad people, they just do not know any better. This post is more of an objective summary of the historic reasons of why Michigan is just wrong. The Ohio-Michigan conflict has an historic basis. So, in honor of THE GAME, let’s explore this history.

Really, it’s all about Toledo

It’s hard to believe that anyone would go to war for Toledo. But, back in 1835, that is exactly what happened. To understand the conflict, you must understand the geography. When Ohio applied for statehood in 1803, the survey documents showed Ohio’s northern border to be the upper line of the “Toledo Strip,” shown on the map below. However, Michigan had always viewed to boundary line to be the lower line of the “Toledo Strip.” Both states wanted the Toledo ports and the inland trade route from the Great Lakes offered via the Maumee River. Thus, the conflict was born…

Battle of Phillips Corner

So, the Ohio-Michigan conflict was relatively quiet from 1803 until about 1834. However, in 1834, Michigan wanted to be a state too. Naturally, the new federal government could not have conflicting statehood applications where both states claimed the same stretch of land. Therefore, both states sent out teams of surveyors to help support their claim on the Toledo Strip. Initially, there were a few pissing contests between state militias. But, no violent conflicts actually occurred. That all ended on April 26, 1935, at a place in the middle of no where, named Phillips’ Corner. On this date, armed Michigan combatants attacked and fired upon a group of peaceful Ohio surveyors. As you might expect, all the shots missed and the surveyors were able to retreat back to the south. Thus, the Battle of Phillips Corner became the one “violent” conflict of the Ohio-Michigan Boundary War.

In the end, US President Andrew Jackson absolutely did not want this to escalate…which would have obviously ended with Michigan extinction. So, all parties agreed to give the Toledo Strip to Ohio. In exchange, Michigan was given the upper peninsula of Michigan and allowed statehood in 1837. Personally, I would trade Toledo for the upper peninsula any day.

Michigan Wrong Again

So, you would think all those Ohio-Michigan border disputes were resolved in the 1800s. But, you would be wrong. There is a little known island in Lake Erie, called Turtle Island. This very small island is 5 miles directly northeast of Toledo. Initially, in 1837, when Michigan became a state, it was assumed the island was in Michigan. Ohio did not make it a priority to correct this assumption because there is nothing on the island worth having. Finally, on February 22, 1973, it was determined that the state boundary in Lake Erie went northeast. This correction put the boundary right through the middle of Turtle Island. So, even as late as the 1970s, Ohio and Michigan were still having land disputes. To this day, Ohio-Michigan still share proud ownership of this worthless island.

It’s Hell too

Not surprisingly, if there was a hell on earth, it would be in Michigan. So, if I am going to be complete in my research, a trip to Hell, Michigan, was a must…

Ironically enough, I think Hell is the best town in the lower half of Michigan. There are lots of things to do. You can drink at Smitty’s Hell Saloon or drink at the Hell Hole Bar & Diner. There is a small chapel where couples get married. Then, the damned lovers place a lock on the bridge and throw away the key in the Hell Creek River! Beyond that, Hell also has a creamery, putt-putt, and post office. There is even Damnation University. The academic options are non existent. But, you can buy degrees with “Damn U” printed on the diploma. Furthermore, if you go to the town website, you can actually buy one square inch of Hell.

So, if you absolutely have to go to Michigan…go to Hell.

Wrap It Up

So, I hope you have learned from this historical and objective account of why Michigan is just wrong. For the record, this post was released on the morning of THE BIG GAME 2022. Releasing the post after THE BUCKS win just seemed cowardly. Rather, I will risk karma and let the chips fall where they may on this hallowed game day. Michigan is allowed to win every once in a while in order to maintain the a rivalry. Hopefully, good will triumph today and Michigan is sent packing. But, as we all know, that does not always happen. Anyway…GO BUCKS! Have a wonderful day…unless you are Jim Harbaugh. PT

I hope you have enjoyed “Why Michigan is Just Wrong” on Traveling with PugleyTonks.

Once, I actually wrote a nice post about Michigan…https://travelingwithpt.com/munising-mi/

If you want to go to Hell, here you go https://www.gotohellmi.com/

p.s. “The fact that there’s a Highway to Hell and only a Stairway to Heaven says a lot about anticipated traffic numbers. – Darynda Jones